Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
