i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
