I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
