We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize