you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
