I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
