I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize