sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
