Are we in a gay sports bar?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Text me some of your sweat
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
