remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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