we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
