my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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