I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
