South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
