I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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