he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
