im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Drunk is a universal language darling
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
