I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
