hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
