Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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