Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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