I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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