I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
