If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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