The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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