he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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