Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
