i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
