You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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