I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
