Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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