the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
