You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm way too hungover for life right now
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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