i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
