just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
