Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We talked him into tasing himself.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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