If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
