i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
