I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
