So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
false alarm, still single
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
