we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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