My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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