Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
