Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
