i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
