I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize