This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
