i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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