maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
