I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
