i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
