Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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