my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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