Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
