I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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