My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
