guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
