I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
