maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
