Buhtt sex?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
