I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
