11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Randomize
