I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
