Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
