I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
