This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
