So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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