i need an iv and a liver transplant
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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